Surprising Suppressed Emotions
Playing field hockey in high school with all of my closest friends was definitely one of my favorite memories. So I was surprised to discover some suppressed emotions from our last season, my senior year, when I was doing an expressive writing exercise the other day.
I’ve been learning more about the connection between suppressed emotions and chronic pain or any chronic mental or physical condition. I downloaded and bought a yearly subscription to an app called Curable and I’ve listened to several episodes of the Like Mind, Like Body podcast. I’m so excited to help people to heal and be free from pain by using these tools.
On the Curable app there are writing exercises, meditations, brain training and educational information. I started with the writing to see how that could help bring awareness to any suppressed painful emotions, then process and release them.
The first writing exercise I did was make a list of childhood experiences that I had, that I would not want my own children to experience. Then I listed any situations that caused me stress as an adult. Finally, I listed any self-imposed pressures and personality traits like being hard on myself, perfectionistic, people-pleasing and things like that.
After I made my list, the next step was to highlight or circle any items that elicit the strongest emotion. As I read over my list, I was surprised at one event that made me tear up, sadness and emotion in my chest and stinging behind my eyes. “Anger and sadness at not being able to play in the state finals field hockey game my senior year in high school because I had shin splints.”
Why did remembering and thinking about this trigger such a strong reaction? I think the answer is that I never took the time to process the emotional, mental and physical pain that I experienced that one day, as I had with some of the other things I had on my list. Some of my more painful memories and experiences, I’ve spent decades processing and letting go.
The second writing exercise was to write for ten minutes about how I felt about one of the painful and sad events on my list. So I imagined myself as a teenager standing on the sidelines at the state finals game.
“My shins are aching, my whole body is chilled to the bone, it is freezing out and I'm jumping up and down a little to try to stay warm. I feel so sad, anxious and mad. I wish I never told my coach about the shooting pains in my shins, who cares, I want to get out there and play. It is dark, the lights are on the field and it is all so exciting and stressful, but I’m stuck on the sidelines, here I am, my last game of my senior year, and I can’t play. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I let myself get injured. We lost the game and everyone is so sad, we cry on the bus ride home.”
Then I wrote for another ten minutes about how these feelings may connect with current limiting thought patterns and how I choose to release them. This part was challenging and at first I really didn’t know what to write about but I just started typing to see what I would come up with.
“When I was injured and in pain physically and emotionally, I felt guilty, ashamed, embarrassed and weak. I put a lot of pressure on myself, probably ignoring the pain in my shins and trying to push through until I couldn’t anymore. I need to acknowledge and comfort myself when I am struggling...
...Maybe our physical, emotional and mental pain is a bright light we can use to shine in the dark places in our subconscious, reminding us to encourage, love and truly care for every part of ourselves. Maybe our mind and nervous system get our attention with physical pain and symptoms so that we can heal our deeper emotional pain.”
When you are on your healing journey and searching for the root cause of your symptoms, in addition to deficiencies, toxicities and other imbalances, consider suppressed emotions and the current pressure and stress you have in your life. Depending on your life experiences, digging into past emotional pain and trauma should be done with a trained and licensed therapist to support you in your process.
I hope wherever there is self-neglect and self-criticism, you will replace it with self-care and self-love. Where there is anxiety, you will find peace and hope.