Calming Solutions
When our girls were babies, Kate loved to snuggle and Anna loved to observe and be entertained by the world around her. When it came time to help them calm down and fall asleep, I tried the same techniques for both of them. The soothing methods that didn’t work for Anna were very helpful to Kate.
Anna would happily rest in my arms while I read book after book to her. But when it was time to calm down and go to sleep, nothing seemed to work. While I tried nursing her, rocking her slowly, dancing around the room to peaceful music and rubbing her back, she’d keep crying and wailing louder and louder. Finally, I’d put her in her crib, she’d cry and then fall asleep. I remember feeling like a failure of a mom because I didn’t know how to help her calm down and soothe her. True to her spirited nature, she figured it out on her own. Anna learned to self soothe and fall asleep by sucking her thumb.
Kate on the other hand responded great to all of my calming techniques. She would snuggle in, relax and nurse to sleep. When she was one year old and no longer nursing, I would rock her in the chair, put her in her crib and rub her back until she was peacefully sleeping. If she would wake up in the middle of the night, I would crawl into her crib with her, rub her back and she would drift back to sleep. I learned that I wasn’t a bad mom for not knowing how to help Anna fall asleep, she just came with her independent personality and she was going to figure it out on her own.
Since everyone is born with their own temperament, needs and personality, the soothing techniques and calming solutions were different for each of my girls. Now as teenagers, different things will help them in times of stress. Anna is still very independent and Kate comes to me for support and advice to help her when she gets stressed about school work.
Just the other day Kate was stressing about the three quizzes she was going to have the next day. I suggested that every time she says that she is worried about doing badly on her quizzes, to instead say something like, “I’m excited to do the best that I can on my quizzes tomorrow.” I thought reframing it to a positive emotion might energize her. She humored me and figured out a way to distract herself by FaceTiming her friends.
Later that evening, I watched a video about the Tapping technique. While tapping on nine different meridian points, you take the time to acknowledge your feelings before switching them to positive. In this Tapping technique, you close your eyes and think about what might be causing stress or anxiety or overwhelm, and notice how it feels in your body. Acknowledging your feelings, you say out loud, encouraging and affirming statements like, “Even though I’m feeling stressed, I accept and honor myself and how I feel. I give my body permission to relax. Right now and right here I am safe.”
While you are saying these statements, you gently tap on the side of your hand, top of your head, above your eyebrow, side of your eyes, under the eye, under the nose, under the mouth on the chin, the collar bone and under the arm, along your side. Each tapping place is connected to a different internal organ in the body such as the small intestine, bladder, stomach and more.
Another calming method I discovered is called Havening. I was researching stress relief techniques on YouTube and I saw a video that showed how Justin Beiber uses Havening to self soothe in times of stress. His health coach was helping him bring a healthy balance to his life and said that "Havening is a psychosensory technique that actually raises the feel-good chemicals in your brain on demand."
To practice Havening, there are four basic rubbing methods. The first is where you gently rub from your shoulders down to your elbows like a hug. Second is stroking along the forehead and down the sides of your face, using the amount of gentleness or pressure that feels comforting and right for you. Third, you rub down the sides of the bridge of your nose and along your cheeks. Finally, rub your hands gently together, in circles or back and forth.
Similar to the Tapping, when doing Havening you are encouraged to think of the stressful event, but instead of tapping the nine areas, you are rubbing along the four areas. By gently rubbing your face, arms and hands, delta waves are being generated. While rubbing, you can count, hum a tune or visualize something positive to fill the space and not dwell on the stressor.
I’ve tried both of these techniques and I do find them to be very calming. The act of tapping and rubbing distracts me from the specific stress that I was feeling at the time. I will continue to use these techniques along with deep breathing and guided meditation to help me get into a more relaxed state.
I suggested to the girls that they try these nice calming solutions and they currently just roll their eyes and laugh. I’m excited to have these awesome tools in my back pocket, in case any of my friends, family and clients are ever interested. To learn more about Tapping, you can go to The Tapping Solution website. And to learn more about Havening, check out the Havening Techniques website. If you find either of these tools helpful or interesting, please let me know!